OBEY YOUR HUSBAND!

  HAHA...I bet that title got your attention or at least the attention of about 80% of my female friends. I am gonna leave you in suspense for a little bit before I tell you exactly where this blog post is going.  I once attended a wedding where the words submissive and obey were in her vows. I remember sitting in the pew thinking WOW I could never agree to those terms. Even understanding the biblical reference of such a vow I would not feel comfortable saying them, and to be honest I don't think I could have married a man who would be okay with that either. Today while browsing my newest addiction Pinterest I came across this blog post called 25 ways to Communicate Respect to your Husband. I thought okay I am so checking this out. I got to the third pointer and my blood pressure had sky rocketed. NOT because I didn't understand where the writer was coming from. She was simply trying to portray the bibles "stance" of being a helpmate to your husband. Although some of her points were valid A LOT of them were misleading and to be honest degrading. So I am not only going to post the link to the blog so you can check it out, but I am also adding my ideas on the points that REALLY made my blood boil!


So here's the link:

http://lovinglifeathome.wordpress.com/2012/08/06/25-ways-to-communicate-respect/


and here's my views....

#2. Honor his wishes.

        In this point she makes reference to having dinner ready when he gets home and have a clean house blah blah blah. She ends it by saying "Don't make him ask twice". I'm sorry say WHAT?? Listen having a sparkling clean house and dinner on the table may have been easy when it was just the two of us, but things are different now. I have an 8 month old and spending my time and attention with her is way more important to me then the dishes. If I don't get the dishes done until Grace is asleep then so be it! If I don't feel like cooking that day for whatever reason he better be okay with it. If things aren't up to his standards he can hire a maid or a nanny, but either way my priority is my child not clean tubs. Not to say having a clean house isn't important to me, because for my child's safety it is. That being said though it will get done when and how I see fit.
     
      Disclaimer: In his defense Steve has NEVER once made a comment about the house not being clean enough or dinner being late to the table. Maybe because he knows it would be the last sentence he ever uttered.


#3. Give him your undivided attention.

        Okay my issues with this falls along the same lines of my issue with #2. I understand the importance of being acknowledge when your talking. I for one HATE feeling like I am talking to a wall. However, giving someone 100% of your attention 100% of the time is just NOT possible. Now if he has something really important to say or really wants to talk I try hard to stop what I can and focus solely on the conversation at hand, but to be honest those types of chats are usually saved for pillow talk where both of us can fully concentrate on what we are discussing.

#7 Don't Nag.

      I am just gonna say that I for one believe it is a wife's right to be able to nag her hubby every now and then. Plus if we didn't nag em sometimes what would really get done around the house!

#12 Kiss him goodbye.

      This one I actually agree with 100%. I truly believe that making sure to saying Good Morning, Hello, Goodbye. and Good Night is VERY important to any marriage.

#15 Don't Complain

      If you can't vent to your spouse who can you complain too? Getting the things that are stressing you out is good for you and your marriage. This goes both ways though I think both partners should be able to vent and complain from time to time. As long as it is not an everyday occurrence or about EVERY LITTLE THING I don't see a little complaining as an issue.

#18 Keep the house tidy.

      Please refer to #2.

#20 Take his advice.

     Chapter 2 of John Gray's book Men Are From Mars Women Are Form Venus is called Mr. Fix-It and The Home Improvement Committee. Basically to paraphrase the chapter it states that 1. A man tries to change a woman's feelings when she is upset by becoming Mr. Fix-It and offering solutions that invalidate her feelings and 2. A woman tries to change a man's behavior when he makes a mistake by becoming the home improvement committee and offering unsolicited advice or criticism. My point is that both partners in relationships sometimes give advice at bad times. Just because it is coming from your husband does not mean that you have to take it or that it is right. I believe you should considered his views and feelings because he could very well be right or at least have a valid point, but if you don't feel it is the right choice or whatever for you talk it over with him. Don't just blindly follow.

#24 Don't Argue
 
      There are a couple things she says here that just irk me. First, "You are not always right and you do not always have to have the last word." Umm...okay I guess I agree with this, but there are times ( A LOT TIMES) where I am RIGHT and YES I do have to have the last word. I don't feel the need to be "submissive" to my husbands views and mindlessly obey when I don't agree with what he is saying or doing. I believe there are stories about drinking that kool-aid eh? Second, "Be the first the say 'I am sorry.'" Sometimes they need to be the first to say it! Third "Be willing to accept the blame". I sure will, but only when I am to blame. I think that when your wrong your wrong own it! I also hold the strong belief that arguing can be healthy for a marriage. If you just hold back something that is bugging you or don't get out what you want to say you end up letting it build and build and suddenly your resenting your spouse. I don't think resentment is good for any marriage.

#25 Follow his lead

     UM....NO!  Marriage is a PARTNERSHIP not a DICTATORSHIP! You should make decisions as a COUPLE. PERIOD!!!



I can see where some of her points are ways to show respect, but a lot of them are more geared to how I would want my children to respond or treat me, but not how I think a husband and wife should interact.  I think her points are more for how to be meekly obedient rather then have a marriage based on mutual respect. If that works for her though or anyone else who agrees with her that's fine. I am just saying I could never be with a man who felt that I should not have my own mind and that I should just be subordinate to him.