I use to be a good mom.

First I know it's been a while, but tonight this particular topic hit me hard.  I want to start off with first saying this is a not a I need a pat on the back blog. I  know my kids are healthy and happy and in the end that's all that matters. This is not a make Katie feel better about herself post.  I know I am doing my best and considering that 60% of the year I am doing it by myself that's pretty dang good in my book. This is a my kids deserver better blog.  My children deserver my best not "I am doing the best I can".

Tonight I was cleaning up the house from having some friends over and I as put away some of the books that were pulled out I realized I haven't read to Grace or Connor in two days. These past two days have been filled with running here and there. Getting home just in time for nap or bed with hardly minute to spear in between. Both kiddos usually exhausted and a fed up mommy so its usually bath and bed. I can't tell you the number of times the words "I can't do this anymore" has rattled around my brain these past two days.  How just done I am.When Grace was little I was such a great mom. We did so many things through out the day story times, played the park, craft times, etc. Now we are lucky if we get a good 10 minutes of just us time and even then its usually us snuggled up on the couch watching TV because I just want her to stop moving for five minutes. My nerves are shot now a days and I hate that. I wish I had the patiences of a saint, but I just don't. Then tonight as I am putting stuff away I realize that me being done has hurt my children. Tonight Connor went down without a bedtime story. He will be a day older tomorrow and I will never get today back. I did not take the time to be the best mom I could be today. Just five minutes of my time is all it would have taken but instead I put him down so I would have one less kid to deal with for the night. Now all I want to do is rush in his room and rock him in the rocker and read a story and I can't. I need to start remembering that these are the moments that I will want back so badly one day it will hurt. So I need to take the time now to make them happen.