And then it hit me.

Somewhere between 3 and 4 am I found myself sitting Chris-cross applesauce on my bed with my crying 7 day old in my arms. We had been up for almost 6 hours straight trying to find her some relief from the gas that she just couldn't seem to pass. With every whimper my heart broke a little more. I didn't care that I had soaked though my nursing pads, bra, and tank top or that I had only gotten 4 hours of sleep the past three nights. I could careless that my c-section incision was screaming from walking/rocking her around for hours. I only cared that she was hurting and I could not do anything to help. When she finally passed out from pure exhaustion I sat there holding her and I couldn't bring myself to put her down. So I stayed there almost an hour just watching her sleep. It was in this quite moment that it hit me I am a mom. It was just a few years ago we were told that I might never be able to have children and there in my arms laid a prefect healthy baby girl. My days are now full of feedings and dirty diapers. I care way more about the consistency of poo then weather my hair or make up is done. I have traded jeans and cute tops for sweatpants and nursing tanks and sleeping in for sleep deprivation. I am living the dream sore boobs and all!!!

Receiving Grace

I had an idea of what kind of labor I wanted. I had a plan I was going to have Grace the way that God had intended our bodies to have babies. I wanted no pain killers, no medical intervention, I wanted to be able to look at my daughter years down the road and say "Yea honey I had you all natural!!!" Well, you know what they say about plans.....DON'T PLAN ON IT! You see I should have known because Grace is my daughter and let's face it NO ONE tells us what we are going to do. Grace's due date came and went and I showed no signs of labor after a week of still no progression AT ALL my midwife talked me into being inducted (not that I needed much pushing at 41 weeks).

Sunday (Dec 18th) we went to the hospital to have a foley bulb (spelling might be wrong) put it because it's easier on the baby if you are already dilated a little before pitocin is started. While getting hooked up to the monitors the nurse asked if I had been having any contractions of course I said no. She gave me a really funny look and said "Are you sure?" I told her yes I had just been having some cramping the past 3 days. She asked if I was having those cramps right now and I said yea. "Well Dear, that's because your having a contraction." I felt kind of stupid but it's not like I had been in labor before. She then informed me that my contractions were about 4 minutes apart. I was officially in labor. They decided to go ahead with the plan put in the bulb send me home with some Ambein and I would return the next morning. Before we left the hospital my contractions had gotten much stronger and definitely closer together, but the doctors said I still had a long way to go so it was best to just stick with going home.

I woke up the next morning groggy and very sore. Just because I slept though the contractions did not mean my body did. I was extremely excited though because I was having my little girl that day (once again DON'T PLAN ON IT). We got to the hospital about 7:45 am got all settled in and ready to get the show on the road when the midwife came in to check. Despite all the contractions I was having I had made NO changes from when I left the hospital the night before. All I could think was you have got to be kidding me. She didn't want to put me on pitocin because I said before it's easier on the baby if your already dilated. So they gave me another drug that there is no way I could spell and informed me that I was probably NOT going to have Grace that day. (I'm sorry what?) I did not get it. I was in labor my body was doing what it was suppose (or so I thought it was) and your telling me that I am not going to have her today? At around 2 pm I had made enough change that she felt they could start the pitocin. At that point I had been having contractions every 2 to 3 minutes for 22 hours. Within 20 minutes on the pitocin those contractions went to 6 in minute neither Grace nor I had time to breathe so they quickly shut off the pitocin and let us rest. A couple hours later they tried again on a much lower dip which kept them coming but a much more reasonable pace.

Around 9 pm that night the new midwife on shift informed me that I was only 4 cm!! Twenty-six hours of labor and I had only made it to 4 cm oh and Grace was still posterior. She decided it was time to break my water to help things along. I was exhausted at this point. I hadn't eaten since 6 am that morning and I felt like someone had hit me with a Mac truck and then backed up to do it again. Each contraction was stronger and I didn't know how I was going to have any energy to push. Within minutes of her breaking my water I was pretty much begging for an epidural. I just couldn't do it anymore. After I got my friend epi I thought it's just smooth sailing from here. I was able to actually close my eyes and rest. That was until at 2 am my room was flooded with nurses.

Grace's heart rate was dropping and not returning to fast enough. They started me on oxygen and flipped me from side to side until they got the result they wanted. It was the scariest moment (up till that point in my life). Having about 6 nurses working on you and worrying is my baby okay. I get choked up just thinking about it. After they got her back to normal I thought Thank God that was over, but I was wrong....so wrong. It happened another 4 times. The last time being at 8 am in morning. I knew something was really wrong when the doctor came in. You see unless you need a doctors intervention at Ft. Carson you see a midwife and they work with the "normal labors". Dr. Clarke explained to me that Grace was wedged funny and they were going to try and turn her MANUALLY to get her to come out. I won't go into details here but OMG even with the epidural I thought I was being ripped in half. He got her to turn half way let go to get a better grasp and she turned right back. (Did I mention she's my child?)

It was then that he told me that we had no other option. She needed to come out in the next few minutes or things were going to get much worse for her. These were the scariest words I have heard. I didn't even care that I was going to have major surgery I just wanted my daughter in my arms. The next 20 minutes were a blur. All I know was there were people everywhere moving me all over, hooking IVs, and everything else. Then I was wisked away into an OR where more people were all over me. I was terrified. I just wanted her here. I didn't know I was holding my breath until one of the nurses told me. Then I heard Dr. Clarke say "Initial incision made 8:50" I thought OMG STEVE'S NOT HERE YET HE'S GONNA MISS IT! Just then I see him white scrubs and all. AND YES, He made it though the whole thing without passing out!!! Ok so now that my husband was there I was ready for Grace. Which I didn't have to wait long because at 8:52 I heard the best sound in the world. My baby girl's cry well scream really but still the best sound ever. So finally after 49 hours and 52 minutes my little girl made her grand debut into the world. When asked would I do it again my answer is simple I would not change a thing. She's a miracle and I am blessed to have Grace in my life.

Ready to Pop!

This picture was taken at 36 weeks. I will admit that I have definitely gained a little weight since then. Not to mention our little Grace has weaseled her way down into birthing position making my stomach much more elongated. We are sitting at 38 weeks and 3 days right now and I am so excited I could bust. However, I finally understand what everyone meant when they said that in the end I will be so ready to NOT be pregnant. Aside from my 9 months of morning sickness I would say that I have had a fairly easy pregnancy which I am thankful for. Recently though things have gotten a little rougher. Grace has very little room left in there but that hasn't stopped her from trying desperately to stretch out. I can not tell you the number of times I have an arm poking me one direction and her foot digging into my rib cage at the same time. Plus she is much stronger now then she was even just two weeks. I have caught myself saying ouch out aloud a number of times without thinking about it. People in stores often give me weird looks when this happens. I can't even get started on sleeping. I toss and turn for about 30 minutes just trying to find a comfortable position and just when I have settled down for a "nights rest" little one decides she's going to move, often causing me to toss and turn for another 20 minutes or so. Napping would be nice but since everyone is so freaking hyped up on baby watch I can't get more then an hour a day without a text or call. Not that I mind much but if I don't answer right way it's because I am asleep not because I am in labor no need to keep calling. I promise to let everyone know when the eviction notice has been posted and Grace is on her way out! If you haven't gotten a text, a call or it's not on Facebook it hasn't happened. :-) Although believe me NO ONE is more ready to meet this little girl more then Me and her Daddy! So stay posted it's coming ANY DAY NOW!!!

My first "I feel HUGE..." moment....

So, I don't know if I want to admit this or not but tonight I did dishes for the first time in like 48 hours seeing as we don't really eat at home much over the weekend. I always turn the water on to warm up while I go collect any stray dishes from around the house. As I returned with my two cups I stood in front of the sink like I always do and was just about to get down and dirty when I realized I can't reach the sponge. Not comfortably anyways. My stomach kept hitting into the counter top and it's not like I can just squash my tummy against it. I mean there's a human being in there. So I have to stand on my tippy toes to finish the dishes.

Now I know I am not like this huge person who just let myself go. As I said before there is a human being in there, but it still really hit me wrong tonight. Maybe it's because I am tired, or because I slowly reaching my "Okay I am DONE!" point, but I had my first I'm a fat cow breakdown. It was so weird because it was like I knew what I was feeling/thinking was CRAZY but I couldn't help myself. Being pregnant really is an emotional roller coaster and there's NO telling when your gonna get off the ride.

What definitely did not help my craziness tonight is the piss poor job the contractor who put our sink in did. I understand the need to have some counter top to hold the sink in place, but do you really need 3 inches of counter before you even hit the rim of the sink which has another inch before your in the sink itself. No wonder I have to stand on my tippy toes and basically place my belly in the sink to do dishes! It's just ridiculous!!!

Slacker Much???

I know I am getting REALLY REALLY REALLY BAD at this whole blog thing. I would like to say it's because I am so busy and just can't seem to find the time, but that would be a lie. In truth the computer is ALL the way upstairs. I know LAZY much, but in my defense I am 7 1/2 months pregnant and try to avoid going up and down the stairs more then 5 times a day lol. Anywho, I guess you would like to know what's going on with us here in the great state of Colorado??

Things are going well...GREAT! We love it here although Steve was not very big fan of Saturday. Why? You might ask. Well....

YES Ladies and Gentleman it SNOWED!! The first snow fall of the year was this past saturday OCTOBER 8th! Just BLEW my mind. This picture is of Pikes Peak it was taken by Steve shortly after the sun had come out and the snow had melt from everywhere but the mountains which were just beautiful.

So other then having a reality check that YES we do need winter clothes here sooner rather then later everything else is going well. Steve loves his job, but then who wouldn't love flying across the United States over all the monuments in Washington D.C. and then home in your own bed that very night. Something he has done TWICE this week alone. Grace and I are enjoying our quite time during the day though. She's getting bigger by the day which means so am I...fantastic. I guess I can't complain too much because I've only really gained 10 lbs (so far) in 7 months. This week however, nesting as kicked into full gear. I know I still have 9 weeks to go before she gets here but I just have this urge to get her room and everything done before Thanksgiving. So I started slow(ish) with her MASSIVE amount of clothes. I am serious that girl has more clothes then Steve and I combined and they range anywhere from 0-3T already. She will definitely not have to worry about running out of clothes lol.

So that's pretty much what's been happening in our lives. I promise to try and be better with blogging.

Baby Butt in my Gut!!

I know....I know....what an interesting name for a blog. I am sure though that any of you mommies out there know what I am talking about. Grace has finally gotten big enough that she is starting to lose space in there. So, this makes her little ligaments and such stick out a whole lot more. I can now tell the difference between her butt, her head, and when I am getting stabbed with either an arm or leg. Elbows and Knees still feel the same to me. It's hard to believe that this little one will be making her depute in less then 11 weeks. However, watching her use my tummy as her own personal punching bag makes it a little easier to believe. I swear most nights I look like something out of Alien. She spends hours making my tummy poke out in all kinds of weird directions. Tonight she started a wave. I don't know what she was doing in there but she would move my stomach from left to right in a wavy motion and then 10 mins later do the same thing going the other direction. Steve is of course COMPLETELY freaked out by this and can't look at it without wanting to pass out. I will admit at times it creeps me out too. It's still pretty amazing though to think that our little girl is what is causing those movements. There is a tiny little human being growing in there.....holy cow!

Top 10

So I found this list on another friend's blog about being a Military Spouse. I couldn't help but feel the need to repost it with a little extra from me.

Top 10 List of Military Spouse Quotes

10) If you don't stand behind our troops, feel free to stand in front of them!

(AMEN!!! You can say all you about your feelings on the war, politics, or whatever, but if you can't stand behind the men and women who fight EVERY day to protect your right to RUN your mouth you are more then welcome to stand in front of them.)

9) My husband risks his life so you can run your mouth.

(REFER BACK TO #10)

8) If the military wanted you to have a wife, they would have issued you one.

(OMGosh, I have only been a military spouse for a year and a half I can not tell how many times I have said this to myself. They try but let's face it there's a reason that saying goes Mission ALWAYS!)

7) Don’t confuse your rank with my authority.

(I think it speaks for itself?)

6) Prosper where you’re planted.

(Every assignment is what you make it. Our first assignment to Columbus taught us that quick. It wasn't an ideal location by any means but we had a wonderful time with all the amazing people we met there.)

5) The military is my husband's mistress and sometimes that b*tch gets all the attention.

(HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAAHAHAH!!!!!! SOOOOOOOO TRUE!!!)

4) Home is where the military sends you.

(Refer back to #6)

3) Sexually deprived for your freedom.
(ONCE AGAIN SO TRUE!!! There is a reason that Ft. Carson is called a Baby Factory. Hello boys have been gone 12 months what do you think it gonna happen when they get home. Someone asked me why I want to drive all the way out there to have Grace. Well because this is what they do! They are the largest Labor & Delivery in the Springs for a reason!!)

2) Live each day like he deploys tomorrow.

(Because he very well can in most cases.)

1) You never know how strong you are, until being strong is the only choice you have.

(This quote got me though this summer. Those nights where I just felt like crawling into a ball and saying FORGET IT ALL! I don't care if my stuff gets packed or if we ever get to Colorado. As a military spouse you learn quickly you just got to do what you got to do. Oh you just had a baby congratulations here is a 6 month deployment for ya, Oh your 5 months pregnant and moving across country? Well we are gonna send your husband away for the 2 months before you move have fun handling things at home. OH you and your husband are both in the military GREAT we need you across the country from one another. It's just life. It's our life. We live it EVERYDAY and YES it's choice we made. A choice I would make again and again because I love my military man!)