1 one thousand....

She stops breathing….1 one thousand….2 one thousand…3 one thousand…4 one thousand…5 one (GASP!). She’s breathing again… I get up from my spot on the bed next to her. I snuck into her room just before heading to bed myself. I noticed she was on her back so I tried to roll her over but she was not having it. She stopped breathing shortly after that…my child stopped breathing. Any mother would panic and I do every time it happens and it happens… every night, multiple times a night. It’s been a week since her doctor told us that the results of her sleep study showed Grace has sleep apnea. My head spun at first because when I hear those words I think of an overweight middle age male…not my almost 5 year old daughter. I have not slept well since. Every time I wake up at night I go to check on her and I wait for the next episode. I am terrified because my child stops breathing at night. I use to stay awake and watch her for hours as a baby. When her first birthday passed I was so relieved because we had gotten through the “dangerous” part. Now at almost 5 years old we are back at the beginning. I can’t sleep because I am afraid my child is not breathing and I will be asleep through it. It’s every mother’s worse nightmare. My child stops breathing and all I can do is pray that the Lord watches over us until next Friday when we will hopefully get her some relief. Until then I will continue to sneak into her room…place my hand ever so gently on her back or stomach and pray that I feel the rhythmic movement of her breathing. If I don’t I start to count…1 one thousand….2 one thousand…3 one thousand…until I hear the most beautiful sound in the world again… my child breathing.